I’m sure you’ve all seen the Instagram reels. Social ABG buys boba while listening to Keshi in college. International school kids getting laughed at on the streets by interviewers because they don’t know how to speak Chinese. There’s an immense amount of people in the world who feel alienated from their own culture, whether it be Chinese, Indian, or Moroccan, because they grew up in an area that didn’t see it as the norm - and we call them third culture kids (TCKs). Most of the KGV population has spent their education completely in international schools, so a good many of us are actually third culture kids.
The term third culture kid was first used by researchers John and Ruth Useem in the 1950s, defined as individuals who do not fall into their home or host culture, but rather share a culture with other third culture kids. This can be seen, for example, in the popular term ‘American Born Chinese,’ referring to a Chinese person who was raised in America.
The book “Growing Up Among Worlds”, written by David C. Pollock and Ruth Van Reken, brought to light the emotional and physical realities that come with the TCK journey. As quoted from the book, ‘The TCK builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture are assimilated into the TCK's life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of the same background.’ Third culture kids create their own pseudo-culture and communities around their unique heritage, and connect with others that have similar experiences with them.
What does it feel like to be a third culture kid? As students in KGV, some of us are not fluent in Chinese culture. I personally have felt uncomfortable around local school students, thinking they wouldn’t understand the way I spoke Cantonese. I’m used to the subtle side-eyes in the MTR from old Chinese uncles when I speak English in my international school uniform: my Chinese appearance does not carry over to my language. Yet, I’m comforted by those in the KGV community who share my struggles: some friends I know can’t speak Cantonese at all, and yet they’re not ashamed of it. Honestly, meeting people from diverse cultures has sharpened my intercultural skills: I have Indian, Burmese, British and Vietnamese friends, allowing me to understand and relate to many third culture kids in our school.
But what if you want to connect with your host country’s culture AND your own cultural heritage? Studies have shown that a mixture of influences from different cultures, such as American and Chinese, can create challenges in developing a sense of belonging. Feelings of rootlessness and restlessness can make the transition to adulthood difficult for TCKs, not being able to answer the seemingly simple question “Where is home?” I’ve always wanted to immigrate away from Hong Kong simply because I don’t feel Chinese enough. I feel like Europeans or Americans would understand me better, because we prefer the same foods and speak the same language. It’s not inherently bad to prefer your host culture over your cultural heritage, but it becomes a problem when you start becoming uncomfortable with your split identity.
Some ways I’ve found to improve my link with my cultural heritage is to deliberately immerse myself in local Chinese culture. I opt for thrifting and haggling with local aunties instead of buying from shopping malls, or I make an effort to eat at local restaurants. There are a lot of easy ways to become more familiar with a culture or language, like listening to local music, or spending more time with the older generation. Learning about your host country’s culture, like going to Hong Kong museums, is also incredibly interesting - to think about all the effort that went into creating the city underneath your feet.
In today’s increasingly connected world, third culture kids are more common than ever: and you might even be one yourself! In order to be at peace with yourself and your unique cultural mix, try learning more about your host country’s culture, or forming a community with other third culture kids around you. Remember that you’re not any lesser for your mixed cultural identity: in fact, it makes you more open-minded, worldly and approachable.
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